I attended a march, organised by Sisters Uncut this weekend, which aimed to raise awareness for victims of domestic violence. It was held in central London, on Valentine’s Day, deliberately to juxtapose its message alongside the festival of patriarchy that V-Day has become. Refuge notes that, "2 women are killed every week in England and Wales by a current or former partner" (Homicide Statistics, 1998) – 1 woman killed every 3 days, and that despite the fact only about a third of the incidents that take place are reported to the police, in 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found that there were an estimated 635,000 incidents of domestic violence in England and Wales. 81% of the victims were women and 19% were men. Domestic violence incidents also made up nearly 22% of all violent incidents reported by participants in the BCS (Home Office, July 2002).
I read with some despair also today that Sam Taylor Wood, (the photographer turned erotic film director) and Erica James (the author of the book Taylor Wood has turned into high grossing $81.5 million, first weekend, 50 Shades of Grey film) have fallen out over the representation of BDSM sex in the film. James is angry there is not more, and Wood is angry that her cinematic vision is being interfered with. Wood has delivered a product which is big on submissive, female nudity, but James was concerned about more sexual representation, particularly the masculine and the BDSM representation. This is unfortunate, given the attendant psycho drama about the actress being concerned about her mother and father watching the piece and suffering some sort of permanent moral indignation, and the other psychodrama about the BDSM lovers on screen, not getting on with each other in real life. Add the continual reminder that the director has married a man younger than her, who used to be her actor on a previous film project. Add that to the fact that the fictional work of Erica James was magnified by titilation into a global bestselling trilogy, and that two more ambiguous, fashion conscious, product placement opportunities are waiting to be filmed. I had a bit of an internet browse to see if I could find any reactions to the film from the local BDSM scene, which revealed some irritation at the film and book’s representation. They complained that real BDSM is about exploring one’s limits within an atmosphere of consent, that the domination and submissive aspects of human sexuality exist in everyone, and that these boundaries are worth exploring if you are suitably adventurous.
Personally, I don’t believe that chafing from rubber wear, being blindfolded and spanked or kicking a man in the balls is ever going to do anything for my libido. What would really turn me on, would be the evolution of a society where a woman being beaten by her husband feels safe in reporting the crime the first time it happens. Not waiting to be beaten on average thirty five times and reporting it because she can’t take any more. Maybe she is put off because the police receptionist is reading 50 Shades of Grey. Maybe her husband feels he is just exploring their intimate boundaries in an adventurous way. Maybe it’s because battered women fall into the ‘other’ category. You know, the category we reserve for accident victims, colleagues who have been sacked from their jobs, heart attack victims, murder victims, victims of state terrorism, the homeless, HIV sufferers. All those everyday tragedies we turn away from, like in looking at them, or interacting with them would somehow contaminate us, render us susceptible to the contagion of bad luck that afflicted them.
Speaking as an atheist, it is rare I quote Jesus, but when he talked about turning the other cheek, I don’t think that this was what he had in mind. Put away your dildos, your handcuffs and your PVC wear. I promise you, there is nothing in the world more erotic than finding people who are brave enough to share their life’s experience. My sexual response is not defined by a man’s gaze, but rather by what we can achieve together. That’s the point, get it?
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